Gavin Newsom Graduates from “Figuratively” to “Literally” Burning Down California
Gavin Newsom Graduates from “Figuratively” to “Literally” Burning Down California
Gavin Newsom Graduates from “Figuratively” to “Literally” Burning Down California
“For years, people said I was ruining California metaphorically,” Newsom said at a press conference held next to a smoldering field. “Well, look around—this is proof that I’m a man of action. My policies are no longer just theoretical; they’re real, tangible, and on fire.”
“For years, people said I was ruining California metaphorically,” Newsom said at a press conference held next to a smoldering field. “Well, look around—this is proof that I’m a man of action. My policies are no longer just theoretical; they’re real, tangible, and on fire.”
“For years, people said I was ruining California metaphorically,” Newsom said at a press conference held next to a smoldering field. “Well, look around—this is proof that I’m a man of action. My policies are no longer just theoretical; they’re real, tangible, and on fire.”
Newsom credited his accomplishment to years of dedication. “This didn’t happen overnight,” he said. “It took decades of strategic mismanagement, baffling energy policies, and ignoring wildfire prevention to achieve results this spectacular.”
Critics argue that the state’s environmental challenges were preventable, but Newsom brushed off the concerns. “California has always been a trailblazer, and now we’re blazing trails literally. This is leadership you can smell.”
Supporters have even pitched a new slogan: California: Where Every Day is a Hot Topic. Some have proposed adding wildfire emojis to the state flag for a modern touch.
When asked what’s next, Newsom hinted at new goals. “I’m eyeing a move from literal fire to metaphorical earthquakes,” he said with a smile. “The destruction potential is endless.”
Californians are advised to stay indoors—if their homes are still standing.
