"Not every student dreams in code or calculates their way to fulfillment," said Dean Petunia Fields, head of the newly minted FLOWER department. "FLOWER is about nurturing the whole person, from their creative core to their ability to vibe in nature."

The program offers groundbreaking courses such as:

• "Advanced Hammocking" (Prerequisite: "Intro to Napping in the Quad")

• "Poetry for Influencers" (Taught in 280-character limits)

• "Eco-Friendly S’mores: Theory and Practice" (Lab fees may include artisanal marshmallows)

Wellness majors can earn credits for perfecting their yoga playlist, while Outdoor Studies students must complete a capstone project titled "Rediscovering Myself on a Solo Hike Without GPS."

Critics argue that FLOWER degrees lack "real-world applicability," to which the university responded in an assertive press release: "The world doesn’t need another app. It needs more macramé."

Enrollment is already booming, especially among students who identify as ‘free spirits’ and those who "don’t vibe with STEM’s rigid energy." The department has also secured funding from top aromatherapy companies and the lucrative incense industry.

“It’s not about preparing students for jobs,” Fields explained. “It’s about preparing them for life—preferably one spent painting watercolors by a brook.”

Whether FLOWER will bloom into a true STEM competitor remains to be seen—but one thing’s certain: the degrees are already thriving on Instagram.